Stress and anxiety in the 8th grade and starting high school
Pierre, Dad —
Hi,
First of all, thanks for this website, it's really interesting and helpful.
Now I have a question regarding my 13 years old son who is currently in 8th grade in an international school (in english). English is his 3rd language (after spanish and french) and he has some struggles with it.
By next year he will join high school and he is already stressed and anxious about that. What could we do (as parents) in order to help him not worry too much until then? And after that, when he will be in high school, how can we help him cope with the pressure?
His stress and anxiety really seem to be a weakness which prevent him to express his full potential at school. We already addressed this issue with a counsellor, we tried some yoga and mindfulness; but it seems that the best help for him comes from his sports activities and spending time with friends.
Clare —
Hi Pierre
That's amazing your son speaks three languages — I am very envious!
It sounds like you're off to a great start already with helping him deal with stress and anxiety. Sport and spending time with friends are always going to be fantastic and really important sources of 'relief'.
I am not a counsellor but I do have a few suggestions, just from experience including my own:
Try to help your son come to understand that he should only be concerned with what he can control, which is trying hard at school. I don't want to oversimplify a complex issue like anxiety, but if he is feeling overwhelmed, sometimes just focusing on the things that you can control can be really helpful, because it is pointless to worry about things you can't control. If he tries hard at school, the rest will take care of itself.
He doesn't need to be perfect at every subject to 'succeed' at high school. For instance, English might not be his strongest subject, but that does not mean that he won't do well in it, especially with the support of his parents and teachers — all of whom want to help him get the grades he is capable of. My point is, students don't need to be perfect all the time to do well at high school. I didn't get straight A's for every subject — some were stronger than others — but it's how you do overall that matters.
Every other students is in the same boat. Every student is facing the same challenge ahead — high school and exams, and everyone will have their strengths and weaknesses.
He might like to try to identify exactly what about high school it is that is making him stressed and anxious, because if he can identify the causes then you can help him to take steps to manage it. For instance, if he is worried high school will be too hard, then you can assure him that like every other student he will just take each day one step at a time, and that the learning process will be gradual and he won't be expected to know everything all at once.
You could point out to your son the challenges that he has already faced in his life and how he overcame those, and reassure him that the same will happen at high school. yes there will be challenges, but they are never insurmountable.
Try to help your son focus on actual study tasks when he is feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of high school and studying. This is about breaking study down into manageable and achievable tasks. Otherwise, studying can become a big scary thought that easy overwhelms teenagers. Rather than thinking, "I've got so much to do and don't know where to start", it's much less overwhelming is you set yourself a small task like answering 10 math questions or doing homework for an hour. Effective study is about undertaking lots of little steps — it's a marathon not a sprint.
I will leave it there for now, but if you have any other questions or would like me to suggest any study tips that might help your son I am more than happy to.
I will look forward to hearing about your son's progress — I'm sure he'll do great.
Best wishes,
Clare
